Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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