so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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