He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
