I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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