She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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