I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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