Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
