he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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