it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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