Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
