I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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