You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
