in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
