he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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