U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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