Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
