my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
