Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
