i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
