Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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