i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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