i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
