There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
