dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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