I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
