? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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