remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
