Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
