Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
