My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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