I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
