Already got asked if we're dating
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
