Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
