I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
