I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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