oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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