my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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