I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
home. puking in laundry basket.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
