I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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