hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
