The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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