1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
