i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
