His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
