the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
