I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
