I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
