smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
should my penis look like a turkey
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
