I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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