I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
