He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
