I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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