So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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