dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
