he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
