Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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