I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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