well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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