I wish my penis had an off switch
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
