dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
