I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this boner is exhausting
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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