Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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