apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
