so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
