to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
